We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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