forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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