We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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