She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
