I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
