You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
