when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
