oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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