He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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