Cold hands, warm shart.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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