I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
