it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
