I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
