I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
