My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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