We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
She announced her abortion via fbk
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
