yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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