I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
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