I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
