Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
