thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
