Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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