It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
