Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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