how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Success! We fucked roommates!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
