y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
