Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
