Where are you?
In a non slutty way
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
