I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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