You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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