how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
