Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
