Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
