Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
