Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
