I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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