i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
