I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
