pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
