My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
