I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize
