Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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