with your own penis?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
