If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
