He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
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Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
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I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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