just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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