You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
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I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
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That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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