Kareoke will never be a sober sport
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
