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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
