I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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