Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Be still, my beating vagina.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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