No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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