Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
