can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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