Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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