Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
