Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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