Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
