I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
