i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
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He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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