some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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