Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
