Your face is a jimmy john
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
