There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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