You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
