I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
