carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
