my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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