They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
