Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
