If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
