Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
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I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
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He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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