She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
