im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
