i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Randomize
