If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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