I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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