he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
